🎂 43 Years Old, 399 Days Sober
What I Know Now That I Didn’t Know Before
The Buzz with Cassie | June 9
Today is my 43rd birthday.
And as of this morning, I am 399 days sober.
There was a time — not so long ago — when I didn’t think I’d make it to 40. I didn’t think I’d live long enough to see my kids graduate. I didn’t think I’d ever feel peace again.
I didn’t think I deserved any of it, either.
So to be here today — with clear eyes, a steady heart, and a quiet kind of hope — feels like a miracle I get to participate in.
I Thought Healing Would Look Like a Firework
I thought the day I stopped drinking would be cinematic. I thought sobriety would fix everything. I thought I’d wake up one morning and just be okay.
But it’s not like that.
It’s more like:
Crying in the car after a four-hour supervised visit with my kids — and still choosing not to drink.
Watching them grow taller from a distance I can’t yet close — and still not giving up.
Waking up and choosing, again, to stay sober. Even when it hurts.
Sobriety didn’t give me fireworks.
It gave me quiet courage.
And it gave me back myself.
43 Feels Like Starting Over, But Better
It’s strange to be 43 and feel like a beginner in so many ways.
I’m re-learning how to trust myself.
How to feel without numbing.
How to sit still without unraveling.
How to love without needing to be needed.
But I’m not performing anymore. I’m not pretending.
I’m not making myself smaller to fit someone else’s version of “okay.”
I’m living out loud.
I’m asking for what I need.
I’m showing up — messy, honest, and free.
399 Days of Unfolding
Healing isn’t linear. I used to think it would be a straight line to feeling better. Instead, it’s a swirl of pain, joy, clarity, and grief — all tangled together.
Some days I feel like a woman on fire with purpose.
Other days, I’m sobbing into a hoodie, praying for just a little more strength.
But here’s the difference between Day 1 and Day 399:
Back then, I didn’t believe I could survive my feelings.
Now, I know I can.
I’ve done it 398 times already.
What I Know at 43 (That I Didn’t Know at 34)
You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy.
You don’t have to be healed to be helpful.
Rock bottom isn’t the end. It’s the door.
Love can be lost — and still find its way back to you.
Showing up — sober, raw, and real — is the bravest thing you can do.
To Anyone on Day 1
If today is your Day 1 — or Day 101 — and it feels like you’re drowning in the silence of starting over, I want you to know:
You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
You’re becoming.
Maybe today doesn’t feel like a celebration. Maybe it just feels like survival.
That’s okay. That counts.
I Don’t Know What Year 43 Will Hold
But I know this:
I will keep showing up.
I will keep walking this path.
I will keep believing in a future where joy, peace, and my children’s laughter exist in the same room as mine.
And I will keep telling the truth — because someone out there needs to know they’re not alone either.
Welcome to The Buzz with Cassie
We don’t do perfect here.
We do honest.
We do brave.
We do the next right thing.
And we stay — one day, one miracle, one birthday at a time.
Written by Cassie U for Sober.Buzz
