The Resentment I Keep Trying to Let Go

Some days I release it. Some days it returns. This is recovery, too.

By Cassie Uptmore for Sober.Buzz | The Buzz with Cassie

I want to say I’ve let it go.

That I’ve worked through the resentment. That I’ve forgiven what needs to be forgiven. That I’ve released the bitterness, the mental courtroom arguments, the ache in my chest when I think about them.

But if I’m being honest?

I’m still working on it.

Resentment Doesn’t Just Vanish

It creeps in when I’m tired.

When something triggers an old memory.

When I see someone thrive who once deeply hurt me.

Or when I feel unseen, misunderstood, or abandoned — again.

And suddenly, I’m back in the story.

Back in the pain.

Back in the invisible tug-of-war between wanting peace and wanting justice.

That’s the trap of resentment.

You think you’ve laid it down, and then one sharp moment pulls it back into your hands.

I Try to Let It Go

I write about it.

I talk to my sponsor.

I pray for the person I’m angry with (even when I grit my teeth doing it).

I remind myself that holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it hurts someone else.

And some days? I really do let go.

But other days, I hold it again.

This Is Recovery, Too

It’s easy to think recovery means getting over things once and for all.

But real healing?

It means learning to re-release the things that still have claws in you.

It means catching yourself mid-resistance and gently redirecting.

It means not pretending you’re free when you’re still fuming inside.

I’m not ashamed that I still struggle.

I’m just aware now.

What Helps When Resentment Creeps Back In

If you’re wrestling with this too, here are a few things I turn to:

🌀 Pause and name it.

Say out loud: “This is resentment. I see it. I don’t have to obey it.”

📝 Write a Resentment Inventory.

Old-school AA-style. Who. What they did. How it made you feel. What part of you was affected. Then flip it — what’s your part? Even if it’s just holding onto it too long.

🙏 Pray for their peace — even if it feels fake at first.

Ask for them to find freedom. You don’t have to mean it fully. Just be willing.

🔁 Choose again tomorrow.

Forgiveness doesn’t always stick the first time. Sometimes, we forgive in layers. Sometimes, daily.

🤝 Talk to someone safe.

Sponsor, therapist, friend. Say the quiet thing out loud before it turns to shame or passive rage.

You’re Not Failing If You’re Still Angry

Some wounds take time.

Some betrayals feel too big for one conversation or one inventory to fix.

But each time you notice it, name it, and try again?

That’s progress. That’s growth. That’s spiritual work.

Letting go isn’t a single decision — it’s a practice.

And you don’t have to do it perfectly.

You just have to be willing.

Even when it’s hard.

Even when it returns.

Even when the people who hurt you never say sorry.

Because resentment is heavy.

And recovery is about learning how to set it down — again and again.

— Cassie Uptmore.

The Buzz with Cassie | Sober.Buzz